


Hiraeth

by keikasate



Series: An Electric Soul, a Heart On Fire [2]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, M/M, Siblings, Spoilers for the Wycome mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 08:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6604624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keikasate/pseuds/keikasate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>[Hiraeth(noun) a homesickness for a home you can't return to, or never was.]<br/> Feynhel goes to help his clan at Wycome but finds he is too late, brings back a survivor to Skyhold, and blames himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative title was 'Outstretched Arms and Aching Hearts.'. Feyn and Cyrris are both detached mourners and it's probably not good for them but. Also I continue to butcher elvish, I wrote this a while back too.

 Feynhel reentered Skyhold one afternoon from a mission with Dorian and Saf. It was quite the enjoyable outing; fresh air, nice company, dead Venatori. Fun for everyone.

  
 He hadn't seen Pirras around but it didn't bother him too much.

  
 Dorian and Feyn retreated to the alcove in the library to conduct more research, among other things. The two of them had been caught up in a story Feyn was telling about the clan when Pirras walked up the stairs and stopped in front of them.

  
“Ah, Inquisitor, what brings you here?” Dorian leaned back in his chair and the two looked up.

  
“I'm glad I found you Feynhel, I need to speak with you.” Pirras didn't look upset per say, but he was troubled. Feyn apologized to Dorian, insisting he'd be back later, and followed Pirras on a walk through Skyhold.

  
“ So...what's this about?” He stood next to his clanmate,slightly cold, but with concern in his voice. Pirras sighed and faced him.

  
“Keeper Deshanna is having trouble at Wycome. The humans are growing more aggressive and she fears violence will come soon. I've sent some of Cullen's troops out to help, they left yesterday.”

  
“Well, that's not bad is it? I know you trust Cullen. I want to help too though, I'll leave early in the morning.” Pirras sighed in relief and they headed back towards the main hall.

  
“I'm was hoping you'd say that. I want you to be cautious though, I've got a terrible feeling about this.” They arrived at the main hall and Feyn put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.  
“I'll do everything I can. For now I'll need to get some rest. Goodnight Pirras.”

 

  
  Feyn rolled out of bed early enough in the morning that it was still dark out, dressing himself in medium armor and warm clothes. He walked back over to the bed and placed a light kiss at the corner of his lover's mouth.

  
 “I'm going now, I'll be back soon, do try to stand not having me around.” This earned a grumble from Dorian, who sleepily opened one eye to look up.

  
“Funny, I was going to say the same to you.” Feyn chuckled and grabbed his staff from the corner of the room and opened the door. He heard a faint mumble along the lines of ‘be careful’ as he stepped out.

  
 Nobody was waiting for him at the gate, so he decided to leave with the horse he'd gotten from Dennet and hope he could catch up to the troops. A two day head start was quite the distance to cover. 

********

  
  When he'd finally arrived at Wycome he was anxious for a fight, but he was surprised to see Inquisition troops coming towards him. Maybe also a little confused. Perhaps the army they were up against was small or simply gave up when they saw the troops, or perhaps were even already taken care of by the Dalish? He rode up to the Lieutenant and stopped.

  
  “You're Feynhel Lavellan I take it? The Inquisitor told me to expect you, though I'm afraid you're too late.”

  
  “What do you mean too late? I was only at the most two days behind.”

  
  “Yes well...Duke Antoine had a large standing force, there was a fire spread, and we had to retreat after destroying the Red Lyrium.” She looked at him but didn't meet his eyes. His gut twisted, he had to protect his clan, this is why he came, he promised Pirras. He promised himself.

  
“And...what of clan Lavellan?”

  
  “They're..under attack, but our forces are not enough to help.” His heart beat faster and his body moved of its own accord, urging the horse forward despite the yells behind him. The battle was raging on in the field outside of the forest. While on his horse, he sent out chains of lightning and froze random humans, hoping to make a difference. He stopped the horse just short of the line between the forest and the field and dismounted.

  
  He heard a scream in an all too familiar voice and whirled, heart racing, and ran to the source. He stopped just in time to see a soldier begin to swing his sword down at a child and didn't hesitate in freezing him. He kicked the soldier over and used the sword to stab him before turning to the boy he saved. They immediately recognized each other and the boy ran into his arms, sobbing.

  
 “ _Ir abelas, da’len._ I should have come sooner. Where are mother and father? The Keeper?” At first his brother did not answer, he only wept into Feyn's armor, but finally he did point past Feyn. When he followed his movement he bit his lip to hold back a sob. Their mother lay dead not 10 feet away from them, armor crudely torn by a blade and her bow broken beside her. He looked away and stood up, carrying his sibling in his arms.

  
  “We must find Keeper Deshanna. I will protect you.” Feyn carefully stalked through the edge of the forest and scanned the field looking for the Keeper. He found her as she killed a soldier and stepped back, spotting him. She quickly ran to him and gripped his arm.

  
“I am glad to see you found Cyrris, and that you are safe. But listen to me, you must leave this place.”

  
“But Keeper, I came here to help, I promised Pirras I would do everything I could. If I leave-”

  
“ _Da’len_ , if you stay, it will only mean Falon’din will guide another soul. The best you could do is to protect your brother and the memories of the clan. Pirras will be upset, but he will understand.”

  
“Is our father dead as well as our mother? And what of Pirras’s parents?”

  
“They have already fallen, I suggest you escape before the same happens to you. Tell Pirras that I am proud of him, we all are.” Feyn swallowed his emotions and called his horse, mounting when she came. He held his brother tight to his chest and looked down at Keeper Deshanna, whose expression was bittersweet.

  
“ _Dareth shiral, Feynhel. Mythal lasa ghilan ne._ ” Feyn nodded and Keeper Deshanna’s demeanor changed as she charged back into battle. He refused to let himself look back as the battle grew distant and he grew closer to the Inquisition's troops.

  
  He allowed himself to cry after his brother fell asleep. They were silent tears, but his whole body shook. How easy it was to lose what he had worked so hard to keep safe, even from afar. He wouldn't be able to look anyone in the eyes when he returned to Skyhold. Some good he was, making promises he couldn't keep, hardly giving a second thought to retreat with little persuasion. He sighed and took a breath, curled around his younger sibling, and fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was gonna be another section after the last part but it seemed sort of awkward so it ends here I guess? So this one is sorta short.

  The trip back to Skyhold took longer than the trip away, but time seemed to pass too quickly. He couldn't stand the silence, so he filled it by telling Cyrris all about Skyhold and missions he'd been on,as well as the people he'd met.  
  There was a small group that met them when they entered Skyhold. Feyn was glad Pirras wasn't among them. Dorian helped him dismount, though Cyrris would only let Feyn help him.

  
  “Feyn, I...I heard what happened. Are you...alright?” Dorian looked at him, eyebrows knitted together as they walked towards their rooms. Feyn briefly looked down at Cyrris, who was practically attached to his leg.

  
  “I've been better, and it could be worse I suppose.” Dorian remained quiet at that, not quite sure what to say. They reached Feyn's room and he pulled out a chair for Cyrris to sit in while he cleaned him up. Dorian leaned against the wall and tried to fill the silence a little.

  
 “This is your brother, Cyrris, was it?” Cyrris looked up from under his bangs and nodded.

  
  “This is Dorian, Cyrris.. You remember me telling you about him, don't you?” Cyrris made a little ‘oh’ sound, and he relaxed a little. They sat through an uncomfortable silence until Dorian shifted over to Feyn.

  
  “Amatus is there..anything I can do?” Feyn sighed and set down the brush he'd used on his brother's hair, gripping Dorian's warm hand -a welcome contrast to his own.

  
  “I appreciate your concern, but I think for now at least it'd be best if I spent time alone.” Dorian's response was to squeeze the elf's hand a little tighter before standing up.

  
  “I understand...Ah,but Pirras..will want to speak with you since you've returned, should I ask him to wait?” Dorian had one hand on the door handle, Feyn cringed internally, but sighed.

  
“No. Send him this way, best to get this over with.”

  
“..Alright then. I'll be on my way, you know where to find me when you need me.”

  
“..Dorian?”

  
“Yes?”

  
  “Did Pirras...did he seem angry?” There was a pause before Dorian answered, slowly opening the door.

  
  “I don't believe ‘angry’ would be the correct word. He was...mortified? When the letter said your clan was destroyed, he thought that meant you with it. He believed he had sent you to an early grave.”

  
  “Oh, well I'm a little offended, you all ought to have more faith in me.” The both of them laughed halfheartedly in response, Dorian stepping out the door.

  
  “You do seem to have the same knack for survival as you do getting covered in dirt, that's for certain. Good night, amatus, get some rest.”

  
 “Good night, Dorian.” Feyn was left in silence after Dorian left, though he readied his brother for bed and laid next to him to calm him down. Cyrris was exhausted emotionally and physically from the events of the past week, and it wasn't surprising that he fell right asleep.

  
  Feyn wished he could fall asleep so easily. He didn't really want to deal with anyone or anything currently, but at the same time he wanted company. He quietly slid off the bed so as not to disturb his brother and took off his armor and heavier clothes, he still had to talk to Pirras after all. He had sat down with a book when a soft knock came, he sighed, putting it down and answered the door quietly.

  
 “Hello, Pirras.” The two stepped into the hallway so their words wouldn't wake anyone. Feyn tried to suppress any emotions he felt. Pirras hugged him tight, but almost as if one of them were fragile and might break.

  
 “You don't know how incredibly relieved I am to see you and Cyrris.” Pirras’s eyes drooped with tiredness, grief, and stress. Feyn managed a tiny smile to try and lift the mood.

  
 “Come on now, you couldn't have had a little faith in me? I once beat three red templars with nothing but a broken staff and a dagger.” Pirras chuckled at the memory.

  
  “Touché, i cant help but laugh when I remember when you joined up with the Inquisition. Frightened my party half to death.” They laughed and there was a pause.

  
“Feyn, I'm sorry for endangering you like I have been.”

  
 “I'm not any more endangered than the rest of the Inquisition. Im not fourteen anymore Pirras, I can take care of myself.” Pirras stopped for a moment before he sighed and put a hand on Feyn's shoulder.

  
  “I know this is hard, I've.. already done my grieving, but I'm here for you while you go through it. We're all here for you.” Feyn's face hardened for a second before he was aware of it, he forced himself to relax.

  
  “I...thank you, Pirras, but I don't need to grieve. I just need a day to rest, and to get Cyrris adjusted here. Can we plant a tree tomorrow though, for them?” Feyn had one hand on the doorknob, he was done with this conversation. He didn't want to talk about his feelings yet. Pirras’s expression softened, and he nodded.

  
“Of course. Good night Feynhel.”


End file.
